joker.iki.fi

This week has been interesting. I have been accomplishing quite a lot and yet somehow I feel empty.

At work I finally managed to pull off one thing that I’ve been working on for quite a long time now. This, once it gets going, should result in more interesting work and hopefully some monetary extra.

On freetime, I have managed to do sports five times this week (counting only sessions lasting more than an hour). This is a bit more than my usual average, and feels great. Also, we managed to do some serious filming again with NUD on wednesday and some editing on saturday. This was a very productive and enjoyable week on the freetime sector.

During the weekend I only drank a few beers and watched some movies with my wife. Again, quite enjoyable. The thing that makes me feel empty though is this: I am now concretely hitting the mark where I just don’t have any more energy left to do anything else. Really. If my boss would ask me to work some extra time or I would try to fit in another excercise to my schedule, or perhaps would manage to see more friends, it would most likely result in stress rather than better feelings.

It’s a vicious circle really. To have it good like I would argue that I have now, it takes effort. This effort is very close to the maximum capacity that I have. This situation leads very easily to questions such as:

• If I fall ill or some accident happens, what then?
• Is this really all there is to this life?
• Am I doing the right things?
• In case I am, am I doing those in correct order?

I am not the kind of person who would easily admit that I maybe have problems. Period. I am the kind of person who rather takes a problem and solves it. I am so sick of hearing people complain and rant about things being wrong. Go and fix the ones you can and forget the ones that you can’t fix!

But then again. If I myself can’t stretch to more accomplishment anymore, what then? I guess I’ll have to think about the current situation really thoroughly. Sleep over it and soforth, it typically gets better over time.

Today my wife forced me to tidy up my study. I have managed to delay this activity for years now but today I kind of had to give up as she gave me no options. I threw out two large bags of old printouts and a LOT of old papers and binders. Most of the stuff dated back to years 97-99 when I did most of my lab courses at the univerity. Lots of good memories there and a lot of information and work that went into producing those papers. I felt kind of sad throwing them away.

I had a lot of old Linux HOWTOs and magazines and whatnot, stuff that’s so deprecated nowadays and they are just a click away in the internet that makes no sense to keep those, but still I felt bad of discarding the stuff. The most memorable items were some of the old computer games and burned CD’s with faded out texts like “Red Hat 5.2″ or something like. It made me feel very nostalgic but at the same time the practical side of me was telling me that it just makes no sense in storing stuff that I’m never going to need again.
Well, now it’s done and I also did some housekeeping to my server. The old copy of joker.iki.fi has been running in the background for a few months now but the Drupal that it was running was so full of holes that I needed to archive the old version of joker.iki.fi. So, a lot of changes today here in my world. A spring cleaning even before spring.

During the time sun was setting I took a little cycling trip, a bit more than one hour and I have to admit that even though I don’t really like winter, it was actually very pretty outside.

A nice day in general.